Dear Young Person:
Do you at times feel neglected, that no one is interested in you? Please do not ever feel that way again. I am keenly interested in you, for I realize that you are most impressionable in your youth. I cannot reach many of your “old fogy,” “know it all,” “set in their ways” parents. Consequently, perhaps most of my most valuable time, attractive “tactics” and smooth conversion “techniques” are spent on you. Yes, you can count on me to be your “friend.” Let me give you some “fatherly” advice.
One, do not spend time reading the Bible. I want to help you make vital decisions, those which will affect you for a lifetime, even for eternity. However, those who meditate upon the Word of God find themselves not desiring to listen to me. Do not feel that you need to quote Scriptures, as Christ did when he was tempted.
Two, please do not really think that you need to attend every worship service. Just look at the examples of so-called Christians who are grown; when you grow up, you will be able to forsake the assembly also. You see, you too will learn that other things are more important.
Three, it is vital to remember that you are young only once. My, everybody has the “right” to sow wild oats, does he not? Have you not observed that religion is really for old folks? Besides, do you wish to give the impression to your friends that you are a coward, that you are not the master of your own life, that you cannot think for yourself?
Four, expect the church to entertain you. Do you not have every right to expect the same excitement within and without the worship of church that you receive from television, the movies, at the ball park, etc? If they do not have a comedian in the pulpit and a ministry of recreation, be loud in your complaints. If this fails, show your disapproval by staying at home or be seeking out a church which is “really interested” in young people. Remember, “ask not what you can do for the Lord, but rather what He and the church can do for you!”
Five, demand a Bible that reads like a comic book. No one should expect you young people to study hard to understand God’s will for you lives. It is just so frustrating not to have a “Bible” that you can understand. Certainly, that old archaic King James Version and even the American Standard Version are just beyond your ability to grasp.
Six, do not let anyone tell you how to live your life. Anyway, how can one really “know the truth” from a Bible so full of contradictions? Oh, have you been told you can trust the Bible? Do not believe it! Your guess as to what the Bible teaches is as good as that of anyone else. Besides, have you not heard? It is the age of “do you own thing.” Have you not learned by now that certain things are “wrong” only in certain situations? What was “wrong” when your parents came along (dancing, drinking, smoking, immodest dress, gambling, sex outside of marriage, drugs, etc.) is not wrong now. They warn you of these “forbidden pleasures” only because they do not want you to have a good time.
If any of your friends feel “loved”, pass my letter on to them. However, if your parents, the elders or the preacher see it, they may not be impressed. I am interested in having you spend eternity with me!
Your Friend(?), Satan